Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
