I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
