i already hear my dad disowning me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
