what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
