You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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