I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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