My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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