Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
