I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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