i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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