Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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