Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
