i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
