Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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