they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
