Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
