We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
