sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
