thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
