i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
