Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
