since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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