I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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