I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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