and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
