I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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