the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
