yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
