my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When are your genitals available?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
