I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
