I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
