and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize