i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
