dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
