And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
