is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
