the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
