I puked a lego.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
