"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
