I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
