Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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