I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
