you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize