I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
