Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
