so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
