Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
