Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think brook has ever known best
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
