i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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