goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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