does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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