your thong is hanging out like whoa
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
