roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
