I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
