oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
