Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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