It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
