Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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