yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
