just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
