Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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