You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
