My nipple is on Facebook.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
