Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize