S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i out mim tonsoeep
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize