I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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