u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
