I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
