I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
