He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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