So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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