Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
