I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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