Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
