it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize