Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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