so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
