The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
