She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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