What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Actions speak louder than pants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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